Take a look at an apple tree. There might be five hundred apples on the tree, each with ten seeds. That's a lot of seeds. We might ask, why would you need so many seeds to grow just a few more trees?"
Nature has something to teach us here. It's telling us: "Most seeds never grow. So if you really want to make something happen, you had better try more than once. This might mean:
You'll attend twenty interviews to get one job.
You'll interview forty people to find one good employee.
You'll talk to fifty people to sell one house, car, vacuum cleaner, insurance policy, or idea.
And you might meet a hundred acquaintances to find one special friend.
When we understand the "Law of the Seed", we don't get so disappointed. We stop feeling like victims. Laws of nature are not things to take personally. We just need to understand them, and work with them.
IN A NUTSHELL, successful people fail more often. They plant more seeds. When Things Are Beyond Your Control, Here's a recipe for permanent misery:
Decide how you think the world SHOULD be.
Make rules for how everyone SHOULD behave.
Then, when the world doesn't obey your rules, get angry! That's what miserable people do! Let's say you expect that:
Friends SHOULD return favours.
People SHOULD appreciate you.
Planes SHOULD arrive on time.
Everyone SHOULD be honest.
Your spouse SHOULD remember your birthday.
These expectations may sound reasonable. But often, these things won't happen! So you end up frustrated and disappointed. There's a better strategy. Have less demands. Instead, have preferences! For things that are beyond your control, tell yourself: "I WOULD PREFER "A", BUT IF "B" HAPPENS, IT'S OK TOO!" This is really a game that you play in your head. It is a shift in attitude, and it gives you more peace of mind.
You prefer that people are polite ... but when they are rude, it doesn't ruin your day. You prefer sunshine ... but rain is ok!
To become happier, we either need to change the world, or change our thinking. It is easier to change our thinking!
IN A NUTSHELL, it's not what happens to you that determine your happiness. It's how you think about what happens to you.